5 Things I Swore I Would Never Do as a New Mom

1. "I'll never listen to children's music, he can listen to what I like."

Well, this was true at first, but I think my eldest was an inadvertent science experiment; I listened to hard rock and heavy metal...i know, I don't look the type, but my son now abhors that kind of music and he is a super intense albeit loving and wonderful kid. I have to wonder though, did early exposure to aggressive music have any impact on his brains development? Anyway, fast forward a few years, and now we jam-out to StoryBots, Bruno Mars, or ALL the Star Wars soundtracks (thank you husband) during our car rides. Long gone are the days of listening to rock, metal, or even oldies, lest I hear loudly, "No this! No this! I don't like this" while he clasps his hands on his ears. Whatever, I used to be cool.

2. "I'll never allow my house to be over run with kid crap, he can have his space and I can keep my fragile decor out with him learning not to touch it."

My living room is currently bare, none of our books have covers and most live with warped sticky pages. And my decorative crap? Like Woody and his pal’s, they’ve been wrapped up in boxes, sold, or donated long ago. If you didn’t get the Toy Story reference, trust me, you will.

3. “I'll never wear mom clothes, I'm young, and stylish, I can push a stroller or tote my baby around in silk blouses and 5” heels.”

(Insert HARD EYEROLL here) Low and behold, my dry clean only clothes have been sent to the Siberia of my closet. I now own an amazing collection of athleisure apparel and Nike kicks. My boys typically look like little catalogue models while I look, well not as good. I'm banking on them appreciating this in 20 years.That is not to say I don’t bring my A game when I have business meetings or when my husband and I have a chance to (escape) go out. However, I work from home, so my day to day look is train wreck chic or if I’m being honest, somedays a bathrobe far past the appropriate hours to be wearing one.

4. “I'll never feed my baby store bought pre made baby food, only organic homemade for my kiddo.”

😂 I love baby led weaning and feeding my sons real, whole foods. Hell, I tried to make every single bit of food my first child ate from scratch. Painstakingly preparing organic little meals and purees; HE NEVER ATE ANY OF IT! My husband would taste it and reassure me that I was a great baby food chef, but my baby would rather toss it at the dog than eat it. I still try with my twins occasionally, but every once in a while I suck at planning, or the universe throws a sh*t sandwich my way, and for dinner I have a big cold beer and some bribery candy while my babes eat “gasp”, Gerber baby ravioli meals. If you have the time and dedication to make every morsel your child eats, I applaud you! No judgement here, no envy either, just pure admiration, you go mama.

5. “I'll never let my kids rule my life, I'm the adult, and they will just have to follow my lead.”

My father now lovingly calls me “earth mother,” I embraced attachment parenting and co-sleeping with my first child and am doing it all over again with the twins. So if you ever see me out in public, this is why I look sleep deprived and insane. I live on too much coffee and wishful thinking that my baby boys will someday sleep in their beds without a big production.

(edit: the boys just turned one, and we have moved them into their own rooms, but 12 months of co-sleeping was so much harder with two.)